In Between
I stumbled out of something that doesn't have a name. I've decided to call it the In Between (Netflix beat me to The Upside Down. That would've been perfect). It feels like walking out of a tsunami, dazed and grateful I'm alive. It was a half-life that was an amalgamation of dissociation, C-PTSD symptoms, depression, and fearful-avoidant attachment style symptoms that snowballed out of control. It was a perfect storm of those constant companions, triggers, life events, emotional flashbacks, stressors that were beyond my control, and Christina and I falling into patterns that didn't allow for us to repair anything when dysregulations happened (hello, we literally cannot finish an entire sentence to one another without interruption). I was desperately trying to help myself with multiple therapies and therapists (EMDR, talk therapy, somatic experiencing, plant medicine, microdosing, energy work, Internal Family Systems), but I was chasing a shadow. I knew something wa