De Ja Vu
We're working through my core (untrue) belief systems in EMDR and it's more tangled than I imagined. It's always a combination of "no one sees me," "no one hears me," "no one understands me," I can't trust anyone," "I can't trust myself," and "I have to be ready/prepared so I'm never caught off guard." I never stopped to think what order they were birthed in. Since I don't remember a time when I didn't feel those things deeply, I can't attach them to specific memories of inception. It's kind of a chicken/egg thing. Always ready for my reality to be denied, I became a person who documents things. Writing and photography became crafts I practiced religiously at various times in my life. They were tangible proof, even to me, that I was real, I was there, and these things really happened. They were infallible. I could go back a hundred times and the words or images would never falter. They also